The Letter
by valmontmerteuil
Summary: You might wonder why I gave her my journal in the first place. Well, I have two reasons. The first was, yes, to hurt you. I wanted you to feel jealous or betrayed or just something because I gave it to her. You always seemed like nothing could hurt you


Wow so I know I'm being a total flake by writing this while I already have two unfinished stories going but this idea just came to me and I had to write it. Soo on to the story. Ok so in this story Sebastian faked his death and left town after the accident. Kathryn was sent to rehab after everyone found out about her coke problem and eating disorder. This is a letter Sebastian wrote to her a year after everything happened. It is kind of like the letter he wrote to Annette in the movie but changed around a lot. If you're not a k/s shipper than don't read this. May make into a chapter fic if you guys want me to. But you have to REVIEW to let me know!

Disclaimer: I do not own Cruel Intentions or les dangerous liaisons and am in no way making money from this

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kathryn,

I don't know what I could possibly say that would rectify the harm I've caused you. The truth of the matter is I wish I hadn't done all those things I did but you must admit it was well deserved. However, my whole life has been a joke since I left New York. You'd probably be happy to know that I have reverted back to my old self; however, nothing is the same without you.

Enclosed is my most prized possession. My journal, the original copy. You see, when Annette made all those copies of it she took out certain parts that showed her in a bad light or you in a good light. I know… I, too, was surprised she could be that scheming.

You might be happy to know that what she did to you was the end of our relationship. When I gave her my journal it was meant for her eyes only, and yet she decided to show it to all of New York. You might wonder why I gave her my journal in the first place. Well, I have two reasons. The first was, yes, to hurt you. I wanted you to feel jealous or betrayed or just something because I gave it to her. You always seemed like nothing could hurt you. I wanted to make you feel something. I; however, didn't want you, and me if I ever decided to return, to be destroyed. That's what Annette did.

I must say I was rather surprised when I saw your reaction to the journal. I had attended my own funeral because I thought it would be interesting to see who really cared about me. I, too, was surprised when everyone started getting up. I can't believe you actually cried Kathryn. In all the years I've known you I had never seen you really cry until that day. At first I thought you were faking but I realized that not even you are that good of an actress. Why did you do it? Why did you cry? Was it for your lost reputation or because of the journal? I'm inclined to believe it is the former. But I'm loosing my train of thought. Well, back to it.

My second reason is that I did care for Annette. Maybe not as passionately or as consumingly as you but I did care deeply for her wellbeing. She was better than us and I had hurt her… I felt remorseful which as you know is not usually in my nature. I don't think it was love but guilt that did it… I gave her the journal because she was better than us and didn't deserve the treatment I gave her and maybe I thought it would alleviate my conscience. And it did… for a while. Then she made all those copies of my journal and passed them out to everyone. Maybe she didn't realize that this would make it impossible for me to come back, or maybe she just thought I never would. I don't care, her reasoning doesn't change the fact that she plotted and schemed and destroyed you. It kind of ruined her for me. She was no longer a fairy tale in my eyes. For that is how I thought of her. She was everything I thought didn't exist. Pure and kind and sweet and I thought she could change me. But, alas, I realized when I discovered what she had done. She was destroyed in my eyes. She was just another hardened, jaded teenager. I do realize that this is probably my fault. She probably was changed because of me but I don't care. I am, as you know, a selfish person by nature, and so when I found out how different she was than I originally thought I didn't care anything about her anymore.

But that's all beside the point. The real reason I wrote this letter was not to explain myself to you because honestly Kathryn we never have before and I'm not going to start now. No I didn't write this to try to get you to forgive me… that shouldn't be necessary… this isn't much worse that anything else we've ever done to each other. I am; however, writing this to tell you something. I wrote it to tell you that I do; indeed, love you. I know you started to doubt that a while ago but it was quite ludicrous for you to think I could ever love another as much as you. That is simply impossible. We are, as you put it, two of a kind. We were meant for each other back then and I'd like to believe that if you gave it a shot we still would be.

It really is funny; we always prided ourselves in taking pleasure in others' misery, and it finally backfired. I succeeded in hurting the first person I ever loved. I doubt you will ever truly understand the depth to which I regret what I did. Not in giving Annette my journal but in making The Bet with you in the first place. If we hadn't made that bet then when Annette left I probably would have just let her go, but alas, we did and I wanted you more than you could ever know. So, to get you, I had to chase her. Therein lies the comedy. In trying to get you I made you believe I truly loved her and send Ronald after me, and everything being destroyed as a consequence. Don't you agree that it's rather comical, while trying to get you I inadvertently lost you forever. Because you were my main goal throughout the entire escapade despite what you may have thought. True, while screwing Annette would have done wonders for my reputation, I never would have taken it as seriously as I did if I hadn't thought I would finally get the object of my lust if I won.

I must tell you that I don't believe I shall ever forgive myself for what I did to you. Once again, as I say this I do not mean in giving Annette my journal or for making The Bet, but for letting you believe I loved her. I should have known better. I did what every other man in your life did. I left you for an innocent little twit. Or at least I acted like it. I can't imagine how that felt. Maybe you didn't care, maybe you never cared about me at all. I don't know, but I believe you did care.

Did you Kathryn? Did you ever feel anything for me? I don't believe what you said about me being a toy was the truth. I hope you said it because I had made you feel. I can't be sure though. You see although I believe I knew you better than anyone else in your acquaintance I still rarely understood your motives. I never could tell what you were thinking, no matter how hard I wanted to. You were always such an enigma to me dear Kathryn. I trust you knew I used to watch you as you slept. I know it used to creep you out when you caught me but I could hardly restrain from watching you. I used to think that the only chance I had in figuring you out was to watch you as you rested. You are so very different when you sleep. It is the only time you look innocent and peaceful. I have always wondered what made you so unhappy that the only time you were at peace was when you were dormant. I never really understand why you are how you are. Maybe you don't understand me either. None of this matters to me anymore. All I really care about is the reason I wrote this letter. I have a proposition for you. If I get you out of rehab, will you promise to give me a second chance… or at least not plot to destroy me? Please consider it Kathryn. You're a part of me, two halves of the same soul, as corny as that sounds I believe it is true and can think of no other way to describe the connection I feel with you. I've tried moving on but I can't, I'm a wreck without you.

Sebastian

Sooo, what did you think? Loved it? Hated it? Undecided? Well, whichever you are TELL ME! I live off of reviews and guys I haven't gotten many for my past two stories and that makes me sad… I will however keep writing because its my way of expressing my k/s love. Probably gonna start ANOTHER story soon… sorry to all of you who actually like my stories and are waiting for updates on them but what can I say? Its stuck in my head… will probably be pretty angsty and short but whatever. I'm rambling sooo… um thanks to all my reviewers for my other stories! I love you guys! And thanks in advance to anyone who reviews this. Tell me if I should make a 2nd chappy. Katie


End file.
